Okay so first, I'll address the elephant in the room: I took a massive break from this blog. Basically, I didn't know where I wanted to go with it. I know that reading what are essentially diary entries is not most people's idea of a good time. So, what am I to write about on here? I'm glad you asked because I have no idea. My boyfriend suggested I write short stories and post them here. I'm not totally against that idea, it's just that I don't think he realizes how much work that would entail. Especially if I want them to be good stories with solid plots and themes. All this to say that I have no idea what I'm going to do and the break I took did not help at all. If you have any ideas or requests, please comment them down below (or wherever the comments are on this, I actually have no idea).
Moving forward, a lot has happened since I last checked in here. I went on vacation for Thanksgiving to an island in Virginia. And before anyone says anything, I did quarantine both before and after, and I was tested. Although if you follow my Instagram you know I don't think any of that matters. I went with my mom, her boyfriend, my sister and her partners, and my boyfriend. It was a lot of fun and I don't regret gong at all even though because of the trip I had to go back home instead of returning to my dorm to finish out the semester. So, I went home much earlier than expected and thus the holiday hustle started earlier as well. I had to purchase all my gifts, wrap them, bake Christmas cookies, help decorate both my parents houses, complete my own schoolwork as well as help my nephew complete his schoolwork. Side note: online learning is the absolute worst thing to happen to elementary schools. Those kids do not have the motivation to complete their work and a vast majority (like my nephew) do not have a parent at home 24/7 to help them with their work. I digress. My sister and her husband came home with a surprise. She's pregnant! I'm overjoyed for her and I can't wait to meet the little baby in June.
That pretty much catches us up to now. It's the new year and I've seen this journaling prompt from a couple of people. It's writing 20 things you learned in 2020 for this year, or 19 things you learned in 2019 for last year, etc. I wrote it in my journal and now I'm just going to share 10 of them here. I'm hoping this may benefit others reading this, but I don't want to get too cocky. I'll also talk about some new year resolutions I have too.
10 of the 20 things I learned in 2020
1. Don't get too attached to any plans you make. They will be changed in the blink of an eye.
I learned this mostly from my sister. She had to cancel and reschedule her wedding due to COVID and had many other bumps in the planning due to COVID. She actually didn't even get to go on a honeymoon because of it. Then of course her getting pregnant less than two months after her wedding was not a part of her plan. She had told everyone that she would wait at least 5 years to start having children because she wanted to work before becoming a stay-at-home mom. But alas you can't stop Mother Nature. The way she rolled with whatever changes came her way (not always so gracefully) really inspired me. I hope to carry that same wisdom with me into the new year.
2. A little studying goes a long way.
I did better the past two semesters in COVID than I ever have. I got on the dean's list both times (ok so I haven't officially gotten on it this semester but judging by my GPA I will). The only reason for this that I can figure is that I literally had nothing else to do, but study. I wasn't going out with friends at all and I didn't have the temptation to skip class to get coffee or lunch with friends. That's one really good thing that came out of COVID. I just hope I can keep that up when all this ends and I do have other options to fill my time.
3. Clean once every week. Seriously.
I can't stress enough how great it feels to go to bed Sunday night knowing your entire apartment, dorm, or wherever is clean. And to wake up in a clean bed to a clean bathroom and kitchen. Seriously the best decision. I wasn't perfect and I did end up cleaning a couple days after Sunday at times but setting aside that time made all the difference. I also made that my laundry day, so I knew all my favorite clothing pieces were clean for the week ahead. I can't overstate this, clean at least once a week. And by keeping up with it, you can deep clean less often because you haven't been letting it get super gross.
4. Create a monthly budget.
Another game changer for me. I started budgeting way later than I should have. I wish I would have started budgeting the first time I got a job. My savings would definitely look a lot better if I had. Budgeting the past few months has done wonders for my savings as well as my spending habits. Of course, I still struggle all the time; I buy something random at CVS without thinking, I order uber eats without consulting the budget one too many times. It's not perfect, but it has made a huge difference and it is 100% worth it.
5. Just because you have the money for something, doesn't mean you should spend it.
This was a hard lesson to learn and honestly, I'm still trying to learn it. I ended up making more money last year than I was expecting to. Because of that I was able to live comfortably and have money left over to do what I wanted with. Looking back, I wish that I had put that extra hundred in savings instead of getting my nails done every couple weeks and ordering food almost every night. But you live and you learn. Now I know that instead of wondering if I can afford it, I should think about whether I should afford it. There are definitely things I could've done without this past year and my savings would look better for it. Here's to not making the same mistake this year.
6. Don't dwell on the decisions other people make.
Oh boy this one was almost impossible to figure out. I have a terrible habit of analyzing the choices other people make and trying to understand them. Which I almost never can so it's a complete waste of my energy. To make a long story short, when people in your life make decisions that you deem to be bad and/or are hurtful to others, don't waste time trying to see it from their point of view. If this is someone really close to you, talk to them about it and hear their reasoning straight from them. But if it's a new friendship or just someone you can't be bothered about, cut them loose and move on. There's no sense wondering how or why you got there. The fact is that person made a decision and now you have one to make too. Whether you still want them in your life, or not.
7. Some people just are not your friends.
Another one that I have been trying to learn literally for years. I probably haven't learned it and will make this mistake again, but I'll tell you my take aways anyway. I am an overly optimistic person to a fault. I always see the best in people no matter how many times they show their worst. So, when that person is someone, I call a friend, you better believe they get a free pass to do almost anything. My boyfriend would tell me day in and day out, that person isn't your friend, would your friend do that to you, why are you letting them treat you like this, etc. And I would defend said friend with any amount of bullshit justifications. At the end of the day, that person was not my friend and never was my friend. I just needed to accept that. I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying that sometimes it's necessary.
8. It does absolutely no one any good to dwell on the past.
Obviously, you should be reflecting and learning from your past transgressions. But when that reflection turns into dwelling on how badly you messed up and how much better it could have gone, it's time to stop. Every single person on this earth has a past and every single person has things in their past that they would rather not relive, or ever acknowledge at all. It's completely normal and healthy to regret decisions you made in the past. It is not completely normal and healthy to constantly think about your mishaps and your blunders while putting yourself down and saying "this is why you're a piece of shit/not worthy of love/etc." The only you that matters is the you sitting presently, reading this right now. Any other version of you doesn't exist anymore and/or yet. So, focus on that and try to remember, you're only human. Don't expect perfection.
9. Self-love and self-destruction can look very similar.
Early in 2020 I was in a pretty bad place. I had gone downhill when I started college and I pretty much hit rock bottom the summer of 2019. I was still trying to build myself back up at the beginning of the year. Through doing that and reflecting on the past, I think I figured out a huge reason for my destructive phase. During that time, I honestly thought that I was living my best life. I thought that I was happier than I had ever been and that I was as happy as I ever could be. Now I can look back and recognize that the only reason I was happy was because I had let go of all my morals and pride. I had let myself sink so low that I was accepting the bare minimum as happiness. Now I know that there is so much more for me in the world and that self-love isn't doing whatever the hell you want when you want, it's making conscious choices that will better your mind, body, and soul.
10. For the love of god, do something active.
I spent wayyyy too much of 2020 and the years prior sitting on my ass. For at least three days (I know I'm really setting the bar high) of 2020 I woke up and immediately did a yoga sequence. Starting my day like this brought me a sense of peace and helped with my anxiety. I struggle with general anxiety every day and starting out doing something that engages my muscles as well as my mind helped with that tremendously. Even if you don't have a mental illness, doing something that requires the use of your muscles (other than walking to the fridge and back) at least once throughout the day makes a big difference.
Obviously, I learned a lot more than just ten, or even twenty, things this year; but I'm not about to write a whole book on here so these were the major ones. As for the things I want to accomplish in the new year, I'll also provide them in list format:
1. Finally stop biting my fingernails. I stopped for a few months in 2020 because I was getting acrylics. I don't know how many of you have gotten acrylics before, but it adds up quickly. So, I got them taken off and got a pretty manicure.... and bit all my nails off I'm pretty sure within the week. So yeah, I'd really like to stop that nasty habit.
2. Journal more. I was pretty good at journaling in 2020, but towards the end I got away from it so in the new year I'd like to get back to it.
3. Get an internship, preferably in editing, writing, or publishing, but I'll take anything at this point. It's my junior year so I only have one year left until the Real World. I need some experience outside of minimum wage retail jobs.
4. Get on the dean's list again. This one's pretty self-explanatory.
I won't keep boring you with my new year's resolutions. Comment below (or wherever) what your resolutions are. As a parting gift, I'll leave you with this image: my newest strategy to stop biting my nails is wearing little rubber sleeves over each of my fingers. I'm sure you can imagine what that looks like.
Cheers!
Lex
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